so i got back from my week in chicago yesterday. i got sick on thursday night. woke up friday with a sore throat... it was really cold for some reason that night....
it was pretty fun.
saturday i went over to letty's and we spent the night at liz's house. then i spent the night at letty's house on my b-day. we drank at her house, it was fun... then on i think tuesday i went and saw "Rise of the Silver Surfer" with Cruz.. he looks so weird.... and then friday i hung out with Holly and Sal. and holly bought me a Julius and Friends bag. it's really cute..... and stupid kyle didn't call me and i really wanted to see him.. punk-az

so i spent all day today coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose and being kinda bored. i had to help my mom mow the lawn cuz the grass was really tall and my dad's not here right now... (no details on that)

i've been talking to tony almost everyday since he kicked me out.... and i don't remember if i said it or not, but we DID need time apart that last week, he just really went about it the wrong way..... {my mom gave me this talk on the way back from the bus station sunday about how i should stay here at least 6 mos and try to go back to school and then after that think about whether i should really go back to him with him being unstable and what not} i miss him and i still love him.. i just don't know what to do.. i wanna be with him for at least another couple years, but.... i don't know if this'll happen again. i know he misses me too, but.......... i just don't know. and things right now just SUCK major az.
i'm sick, kinda tired, i wanna cry, i need friends here in oklahoma, i need to start working soon, i miss tony, i wanna cry.. a bit more now, i need love from not my mom.....

someone please help... i don't even know how, but........

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i'm gonna go take some nyquil and go to sleep....

so this last week, things with me and tony haven't been going too well.
we've been pissy at each other and i'm not sure why.

last night julia came up to visit for the weekend... we all went to dinner and then jt and julia wanted to go to billy bob's to go dancing.. i told tony i didn't want to go because all they play is country music and he knows i hate country music.. and so he said he wanted to go cuz he "busts his ass all day at work" (even tho he tells me that he sits on his ass most the day, and every once in a while he'll have to move around a crapload of heavy sewing machines) and wants to have some fun instead of just sitting around the house not doing anything.. so after he dropped me off, i started crying cuz the night b4 we layed in bed and cuddled then had some "fun" and i wanted that again last night. i fell asleep fully clothed after i was crying. they came home like 2-3 hrs later and i heard tony walk into the kitchen, get some water, then go back outside. i got up and told him outside to come in cuz i didn't wanna stay up longer waiting for him to go to bed, i wanted to go back to sleep. so he came in with me and i started crying again (after i changed into pj's) and he asked me if i wanted to go lay on his bed (which i wanted him to come to me, not me get up to go to him) and i said no.. i kept crying and then mumbled that he wouldn't even come and comfort me like he used to.. and he still didn't get up after that, which pissed me off... so i finally got out of bed and joined him in his bed to cuddle. and i told him what's been on my mind. we kinda sorta talked a bit. then he made me feel bad and i started crying a little more.. he said he was really sleepy. so i let him go to sleep. i thought we'd be okay after all that...

and this morning, he went to work, and then came home like 20 mins later... i asked him why he was home and he said he took the day off. i asked him what he said to his boss and he said that he told his boss that he needed the day off to take care of some shit...
i was making my breakfast at the time and he walked into jt's room to go talk to julia. i lost my appetite cuz i was sad that he went to go talk to her instead of spending time with me after getting home. when he finally came back out, he wanted to clean the car out since i didn't completely clean it before. i noticed that he was only taking his stuff out of the car, his excuse for it was that he wanted to know where his stuff was and my stuff would go up on the next trip from the car. we went back upstairs and i started getting out walmart bags so that i could get rid of all the garbage in the trunk. while i was walking out the door, i told tony what i was doing and he said he was gonna eat while i was cleaning... so i go down to the car and start cleaning. then here comes tony and all i notice is that he's opening the trunk and putting my bed stuff in there, i asked why and i got out of the car and saw that he was putting ALL of my stuff into the trunk. i asked why and he said that he was sick and tired of me not keeping the house clean (which i do... just not like the neat freak he can be sometimes) and that i don't have a job yet (even though i'm supposed to go to orientation at toys r us on wednesday) so my job is keeping the house clean.. i asked him if he was kicking me out and he said yeah. i started crying and asked him not to. he gave me $20 and the car key. i told him i didn't have anywhere to go. he told me to go to my mom's house (like 4-6 hr drive away). i told him i can't drive that far by myself, so he said that he'd drive me to denton (like 1 hr from texas-oklahoma border) and that all i would have to do is drive straight up I-35 till i see an exit for 412 to enid. i called my dad, whilst crying still, and told him what was going on so that he would expect me or meet me somewhere if i didn't wanna drive. so we got in the car and he drove me to denton. julia followed in jt's car. during the ride, i was still kinda in shock/depressed. i asked him if this was supposed to be just having some time apart or what. he said that it was up to me cuz i have to learn that if i'm not working at a job, then i have to work at home and keep the house (well... apartment really) clean. we got to some 7-11 and we got out of the car. he kinda hugged me bye, said he still loves me with all his heart.. i didn't wanna sit around for my mom to get done with summer school, so i decided to drive. it was my first time really driving on an interstate, and i was basically forced to do it all by my one-sies.
i did pretty okay with keeping up with everyone else driving.. till it started raining and i couldn't see too far ahead of me. i kept going on I-35. then it turned into I-235 and tony told me to just keep following I-35, so i stayed on I-235 cuz i so no other highway to take. I-235 ended in edmond somewhere and i was lost for a while then stopped for directions and found out how to get back onto I-35 (thanks alot tony) and it seemed like forever till i saw the exit for 412. and i got home and of course, to top off such a perfect day, my parents weren't home. i tried like 2 places for a payphone, in the rain, but no luck. then i went to another gas station and the guy just let me use his fone and i called my dad to see where he was and of all the places he could be, he said he was in okc just in case i needed to be met out there. (i was gonna call him after i found I-35 again, but it would've costed me like $2.50, so i said fuck that) so i had to sit in the backyard with Kat for like 2 hrs while i played kaglom on my finally charged fone and listened to music on it. then i sat in the car to listen to the radio for like another 1/2 hr. i decided to go drive by my dad's old house to see if Cinnamon and Hershey were in the backyard and they were. that was like the only thing that made me smile all day (other than this one radio commercial i heard on the way up about some guy getting a ticket for being drunk at a tollbooth and the drunk guy said to the cop, oh i thought this was the drive-thru at happy burger) Hershey got biiiig and Cinnamon looks more chow-chow now. i took some pictures then headed back to my mom's house... thankfully they were home then.

all i had to eat all day was like 3 forkfulls of rice and eggs, 1/2 a bag of popcorn and a 12 oz. bottle of bacardi strawberry.

i was talking to sam and i think i will just try and work here for a while and see what happens.. see if tony calls and says he wants me back down... he's making me have to spend my TWENTY-FIRST b-day with my parents instead of with him....

i really wanna go to chicago this summer (really just for my b-day) and i think my dad might be going up, so i wanna see if i can go with him. cuz since tony's on probation, we can't go together, so that just really sucks and i've been wanting to go back for like 2 and a half yrs now...

well, i know that was a lot, but i needed to get everything down. so... so long for now....

so me and tony just moved here from houston. we're in the dallas/ft worth area in texas. we've been living with his dad in our new apt for like that last 2 wks or so.
tony's already got a job. his first day was this last saturday. i'm still looking for one. i filled out some applications yesterday online. so hopefully i'll get a call soon.
we went to 6 flags 2 wks ago w/ nikki and karen and sam. and it was funny that sam had a dora bookbag cuz like a few days earlier me and tony went to church's and there were these dora the explorer toys where u can dress her up as different things. we found the cow suit, then tony bought a dora. but since i don't like dora, he thought to call her samantha. and then there we were at 6 flags meeting sam and she had on a dora bookbag. she's cute.
so i haven't had much to do down here. tony and i went to go see some movies. we've seen: Disturbia, Shrek the Third, Pirates of the Carribean At World's End, and Spider-Man 3. and we watched all of them for free... oh yeah!!!
being at the library alot is reminding me of that week that i was enid and i walked to the library from my dad's house everyday and talked to liz on aim express...oh the memories.

so...2 wks ago, me and tony got here to texas, finally.

we've been living with his step-mom. his dad left last week. her girls are okay, i guess... they leave their crap everywhere in the house. they don't rinse their dishes or throw away their garbage.

yesterday me and tony went to go watch "Meet The Robinsons" and "Grindhouse". "MTR" was real good and cute and funny. "GH".... well, the first movie in the double feature was better than the second. and the previews they had were funny.

after we got home, i noticed in the kitchen that julia and i'm guessing her kids finished the chore chart that we kinda started like a week ago. and i got stuck with taking the trash out which is crap cuz since we've been here, i've been the main one to pick up after her kids. i've done dishes here when i haven't in like...a couple months. her kids don't do dishes. whenever they leave dishes or garbage around the house, i'm usually the one to pick up after them... and i'm the one who's the guest here! and they're kinda spoiled too. if they need something, julia just gives them her credit card and they go buy whatever they want. the little one (2 yrs old) is really doing her terrible 2's thing. she's fussy all the time and she thinks everything is hers. it's not that fun having to babysit or take care of her.

i have a job interview 2maro at a pet store in the mall nearby. i hope i get the job. they have such cuuuuuuuute puppies there. and for easter they had dyed chicks and baby ducks. they were red and yellow and orange and i think green. it was cute. and they also had bunnies.

people out here are crazy drivers. they switch lanes w/out blinkers and when there's a lot of traffic out here, it's really crazy and hectic. especially on the highway, cuz like the speed limit is 65, but most ppl go like 75 and then they cut you off and you gotta be careful not to get into an accident.

tony said that we may not have to be here for very long, thankfully. he said if we don't like it much after another 2 wks or so, we'll go live with a family friend who's really nice and decent to be around. i mean, i'm thankful for having a place to live here (stupid dial-up), but julia's mormon and me and tony can't even sleep in the same room. even my mom let us sleep in the same bed, and i thought she was strict. i can deal with not sleeping in the same bed, but it's just not the same cuz we can't really be lovey with each other cuz we gotta set a good example for the kids. (even though i have my lip pierced and we both have our tongues pierced) and tony can't smoke near the house cuz julia doesn't want her kids to see that he smokes.

life's okay right now, but it could be better. last week tony and i went looking at nearby apartments and he wants a friend of his to move down here and live with us.

i have to finish dishes, clean the kitchen, the livingroom and this week i get to tell everyone to do their chores.... it's so gay. i've never had a set schedule of chores. it's weird... so's going to church with the family, cuz they're mormon and i'm like.. semi-catholic. i rarely go to church. and i think all the women and girls have to wear skirts or dresses. this last sunday (easter) i think i was the only female with pants on. i don't have anything dressy to wear. and i have to borrow a pair of shoes from one of the girls. it's gay.

well, i got things to do (unfortunately)

later

so we were supposed to be going down to houston like 3 days ago cuz tony got his acceptance letter so that we can move down and the texas lady didn't do what she was supposed to and now we're not leaving for like another wk or so... that ho.

we had a garage sale last weekend so that we can make some gas money and we packed up our stuff so we could go. but nooooo. now we can't leave till sometime after this next week. we were sooooooooooooooooo ready to leave.

not much else besides that has been going on. tony's at work right now. it's temporary till we get to go cuz he quit his last one cuz we were supposed to move.

life sucks. as most always.

i'm watching "freaks and geeks" right now. i downloaded some episodes a while ago and i'm bored. there's nothing online to do really. and my parents are in the living room, so i can't watch tv. and if i could, there's nothing on. my mom doesn't have good channels here. we have better ones at home, but i'm always bored at home... but i think i'll go home at about 3 so that i don't have to be home too long alone b4 tony gets out of work. yesterday he got out of work at like 4. so i hope he doesn't stay too long today.

so i finally told my mom that tony proposed to me. she didn't react like i thought she would. she said as long as i'm happy, she's happy.

so life hasn't been that great lately.

we got into an accident like 3 wks ago or sumthin. and the truck won't start, so tony can't keep working. we have the station wagon to drive around but it gets like 8 mpg and that sucks ass. we've both been looking for a new job since better life stopped scheduling me and he can't deliver until the truck is fixed or till we get the title for the escort.

out of the refund money i got for taxes, i have like 380.00 left. i paid like 150.00 on my credit card and spent some on random stuff and groceries. so i can't spend anymore money cuz we need like 300.00 to insure the escort and get tags.

today, tony stayed home to clean and i'm at my mom's doin laundry. we're trying to get by on what we can, but it's sooo not easy.

tony's dad left julia and so we don't know whether or not we'll be moving down to houston or not. which really sucks cuz i hate it here and i was SOOOOO ready to leave this shit hole of a town. keyword town, not city. this place sucks ass!!!!

and then when i was folding clothes right now mom comes in and starts asking me questions about what me and tony are gonna do cuz one of us needs a job and blah blah blah.... i hate this. like, what mom, i don't know that one of us, at least, needs a job or else we'll be even more broke?!?!?! yeah, i know, u don't have to nag me about it.

on a nicer note, Tony proposed on valentine's day. his family knows, i haven't told my parents yet. i'm waiting to see if my mom notices the ring. but since it took her a year to know that i had my tongue pierced (cuz my uncle was here and he saw tony's first, then i showed him mine, and that's how she found out), i don't think she'll notice the ring anytime soon. i've been wearing it since he gave it to me and it's not like i'm hiding it around my parents or anything, but i'm not making it obvioius either.... they won't notice anytime soon.... i dont' think.

so today i was talking to ben on aim. i haven't really talked to him since we were together. he's seems fine out in cali. and with his asian chik.

we so need a new beginning. a new place to live, a new job for each of us. somewhere new where there's actually things to do when ur bored, other than going to wal-mart or the joke of a mall.

this is a pic of us being goofs....




RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......

the weather's been nice lately, thankfully. it's been in the 50's and 60's. the other day it was like almost hot out. it was nice. i'm so sick of cold weather and snow. and living here.

i suppose that's all i have to say for now...

if you wanna read thru it: http://dany-luvz-liz.livejournal.com/

ahh the reminiscing...

on my shoulder...

then he kissed me.




entry from tony:
I eat poop. anyway you gotta learn who i am to undersit me anywhat i just dont understand these thangs i would rather choke on a tennis ball in my arse then to write in 2 of these daily and they will relieve pain. POOP. i give down.



yeah, so tony's a bit weird, but i still love him. especially cuz he sex's me up/ ;o)

later.

so a lot has happened since my last live journal that i've had (dany_luvz_liz)... me and liz aren't friends anymore cuz she stopped talking to her friends cuz she.... just stopped, i'm not gonna say anything mean.
i moved out of her house october of 04 and moved to oklahoma. my parents moved too. i started working at startek (inbound call center for 'a major cell fone company') where i met me love tony during training. i got my licence and a car and i was good for a while. just about 2 months ago i moved in with tony. he also lied to his mom and told her we were engaged, it was funny but still kinda mean. (he very much so doesn't like or get along w/ his mom). so then b/c of that about 3-4 wks ago, his grandma gave me a gold ring as a 'welcome to the family' thing. it was nice. we moved into a place w/ our roommate jared... oh yeah, and last summer we got a pet rat cookie, who we call our kid :) it's been nice being w/ my tony. i still call letty every once in a while, she's pretty much the only one from high school i still hung out with after i left. i've been talking to ppl from jones a bit more lately, on myspace (www.myspace.com/anthonyzgay) and on aim and yim.. since liz isn't my friend anymore i thought it'd be nice to open a new LJ acct w/out her knowing about it....

well, i'm just sitting here waiting for tony to come home.... bored.....

later.